My observing report

As I drove up the winding road to Mount Tamalpais, I idly mused upon the morality of this Pale Blue Dot we call home as I contemplated the approaching chlorofluorocarbons ... would it be warmer tonight?. When I arrived at the parking lot, it was filled with friends eager for a night's observing. I counted at least 41 telescopes set up.

I started my night's observing with one of my favorite objects, M 6. It sparkled like an inflamed monkey butt. Next, I identified IC 3068. It appeared to be the exhaust from a diesel Suburban. After that, I slewed to NGC 4587. It glowed, rather like a far-away cloud.

After a short break to empty my output buffers, I located NGC 5475. It would be easy to confuse with whispy tendrils of nebulosity. After I'd spent a few minutes looking at that, I located Abell 96. It appeared to be Demi Moore. Next, I found by accident IC 3336. It was better than lumpy darkness. With that checked off my list, I tracked down B 251 in an unknown constellation that looked like a toaster. It seemed most like an edge-on barred spiral with a sharp dust lane. Then, I stumbled upon M 103. It was a blurry likeness of whipped cream. Next, attacking my personal nemesis, I stumbled upon NGC 398. It took me back to the first time I saw Dubya. With that checked off my list, I accidentally located Abell 81. It seemed almost Alan Rickman. After that, I showed some guests IC 2135 in Hydra. It appeared to be Demi Moore. Next, attacking my personal nemesis, I looked for and suspected M 61. It was not quite as bright as Gollum. With that checked off my list, I sought Abell 89 in Hydra. It seemed fainter than Gollum. After I'd spent a few minutes looking at that, I checked out Abell 64. It seemed most like diamonds on black velvet. With that checked off my list, I sketched B 282. It sparkled like Gollum. Then, I located B 320. It appeared in the eyepiece like George W. Bush.

After a short break to empty my output buffers, I checked off B 365. It looked uncannily like that graph in An Unpleasant Truth.

After a short break to cut some cheese, I tracked down IC 3308. It was a dead ringer for whispy tendrils of nebulosity. After I'd spent a few minutes looking at that, I hunted for IC 3278 in Antlia. It sparkled like spent coals, faintly glowing. Then, I found M 94. It was as bright as black pearls on flocked paper. Then, for a real challenge, I checked out B 640 in Sagittarius. It compared favorably with a far-away cloud. After I'd spent a few minutes looking at that, I nudged my telescope to NGC 4497. It appeared in the eyepiece like the exhaust from a diesel Suburban.

Finally, it was time to pack up and leave. As I drove home, I contemplated the events of the night, and realized that any night out under the sky with good friends is better than sex.


    ...Akkana (with help from David North, Jane Houston Jones, and Bill Arnett) .

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