My observing report

As I drove up the winding road to Twin Peaks, I idly mused upon the higher implications of tight underwear as I contemplated the El Nino weather patterns. When I arrived at the parking lot, it was filled with friends eager for a night's observing. I counted at least 44 telescopes set up.

I started my night's observing with one of my favorite objects, M 73. It seemed almost a cantilever bra. Then, I checked out NGC 303. It was even more difficult than desert sand. Then, for a real challenge, I nudged my telescope to NGC 2672. It seemed just like Demi Moore. Then, I nudged my telescope to NGC 4157. It took me back to the first time I saw George W. Bush. With that checked off my list, I tracked down NGC 1541 in Draco. It seemed most like cream being swirled into hot coffee. After I'd spent a few minutes looking at that, I star-hopped to M 9. It somewhat resembled one of Martha Stewart's doilies. After I'd spent a few minutes looking at that, I slewed to B 550 in Canis Major. It was as bright as an inflamed monkey butt. After I'd spent a few minutes looking at that, I identified IC 3263 in Virgo. It was a dead ringer for a little triangle. After I'd spent a few minutes looking at that, I checked off M 85. It was a dead ringer for cotton on velvet. Next, attacking my personal nemesis, I jumped to NGC 5305. It appeared to be a whale spouting.

After a short break to enjoy a nutritious snack, I jumped to IC 1059 in Virgo. It was a dead ringer for the face of God. After I'd spent a few minutes looking at that, I identified NGC 5701. It was even more difficult than diamonds on light grey velvet.

After a short break to grab a cheese snack, I identified Abell 41. It reminded me of a UFO. After I'd spent a few minutes looking at that, I sketched Abell 36. It was better than a UFO. Then, for a real challenge, I tracked down NGC 5368. It seemed almost cotton candy. Next, attacking my personal nemesis, I looked at NGC 4958. It shimmered, as if it were one of Martha Stewart's doilies. After I'd spent a few minutes looking at that, I hunted for IC 3318. It seemed fainter than diamonds on black velvet. Next, attacking my personal nemesis, I sketched M 41 in Lyra. It was a blurry likeness of the last six objects I'd seen.

After a short break to recite my mantra, I found by accident M 99. It appeared in the eyepiece like a nebula. After that, I hunted for IC 643. It appeared in the eyepiece like the pillars of creation. Next, I accidentally located Abell 95. It glowed, rather like a spitting cobra. After that, I jumped to NGC 4619 in Canes Venatici. It would be easy to confuse with Miss Piggy. Then, for a real challenge, I accidentally located Abell 47. It looked like George W. Bush.

Finally, it was time to pack up and leave. As I drove home, I contemplated the events of the night, and realized that any night out under the sky with good friends is better than sex.


    ...Akkana (with help from David North, Jane Houston Jones, and Bill Arnett) .

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