Shallow Thoughts : : humor

Can you read this?

Got this in the mail. Awfully thoughtful of them, don't you think? I'm sure all the people who can't read it will call right away.

Tags: humor
[ 20:00 Aug 08, 2010    More humor | permalink to this entry ]

Slow news day?

My favorite headline from today's paper:

Waves breach sand berm

What sort of sand berm, you wonder, that merits a headline in the paper? No doubt a critical one, protecting the town from the ravages of the sea? Well, maybe not:

"The situation is not unusual," he added. "It happens every year."

I guess it was a slow news day.

The full-page ad on the back of the main section was good, too.

Mmmmm ... melamine candy!

Tags: humor, headlines, slownewsday
[ 11:42 Dec 29, 2009    More humor | permalink to this entry ]

A new theory of orbital dynamics

This PG&E billboard just went up down the street from where I live.

"Solar Power: Making planets orbit and bagels toast."

And here all this time I'd been under the impression that orbits had mostly to do with gravity. Somehow I'd missed the influence of light pressure when writing my orbital software.

Or is the sun's gravitational influence considered a part of "solar power"? Can we look forward to the upcoming generation of gravitovoltaic solar cells?

Tags: humor, astronomy
[ 19:13 Sep 18, 2009    More humor | permalink to this entry ]

Classic cellphone billboard

On 101 southbound a little south of University Ave in Palo Alto, a new billboard cropped up a month or so ago. It says:

Senator Joe Simitian: Your cell phone law sucks.

Well, that's not ALL it says. Actually, it says quite a lot of other stuff. In small print. So much so that if you actually tried to read it, you'd be virtually guaranteed to veer out of your lane and into another car.

I loved it. It's so classic. For anyone who hasn't heard, California has a new law this year that bans talking on a hand-held cell phone while driving. And honestly, who would think that it was possible to read a billboard like this while driving -- except one of those people who veers their SUV into your lane because they're too immersed in their cellphone conversation to pay attention to the road?

(For a better photo or if you actually want to read the text, the LA Times has the billboard story and photo; here's the Mercury news take, with more details on the 75-word message (no photo).)

Tags: humor, irony, cellphone
[ 20:53 Mar 10, 2009    More humor | permalink to this entry ]

Great Advertising

Usually I just delete spam after seeing the subject line. But I couldn't resist one that arrived this morning:

Subject: You'll be saying WOW every time with ShamWow

Wondering whether the seller was familiar with the meaning of the word "sham", I just had to take a look.

I couldn't tell anything from the text -- it was all just random verbiage to try to fool Baysian filters. But the mail also attached two images, img001.png and img002.png. The first was a big grey starburst thing; the second, at 348Kb, was the actual ad (click on it to get the full-sized version; the thumbnail here doesn't do it justice).

There are just so many things to love about this ad, starting with the name "ShamWow" itself. I love the mixture of fonts and bright colors, with the slightly lopsided hourglass shape of the ShamWow! logo. I love the "AS SEEN ON TV" bug -- a charming image that hasn't changed a whit since the 60's, maybe even the 50's. I love the unidentifiable grey and yellow flat things with unreadable text on them -- they look like file folders and folded papers, but they're probably two different colors and sizes of ShamWow -- covered with a square announcing "10 Year [unreadable]", which made me wonder if they were selling auto loans or securities. But if you magnify it you find that the third word is probably "Warranty". I love the presumption that you'll think that 20x the weight of a small cloth object is a lot of water (is it? I have no idea, let me grab a paper towel and a gram scale). I love the blurry red and white "CLICK FOR DETAILS" button.

But what I like best about this image is that it's a PNG but it's full of JPG artifacts. Now, I'm not very picky about jpeg artifacts. (You'd think I would be, as a de-facto GIMP expert, but I'm really not.) I shoot DSLR photos in jpeg rather than raw mode because most of the time the difference just isn't enough for me to care about. I use jpeg for most of the icons on my web site if they don't need transparency, and I lower the jpeg quality level to make them load faster. I'm not a PNG snob (actually, I'm more likely to use GIF than PNG for web icons). But really -- this ad image is a wonderful example of jpeg artifacts and why you can't just turn the quality down arbitrarily far.

I could even understand using extreme jpeg compression because they were sending out a hundred quotillion spam messages and wanted to reduce bandwidth. But they're not sending a jpeg -- they've converted the low-quality JPG back to a 348Kb PNG before sending the spam.

All I can figure is that someone designed the ad and saved it as JPG, making it really small. And then someone in the business saw lbrandy's great cartoon on JPG vs. PNG -- and said "Oh, no! We'd better use PNG instead! And loaded up the JPG and saved it as a PNG with default settings.

(For further reading on PNG vs. JPEG and image file size optimization, you can get an overview of formats at my Image Formats for the Web and some detailed tutorials at the Bandwidth Conservation Society; or chapters 2 and 8 in my GIMP book, soon to be out in its second edition.)

Tags: humor, advertising, gimp
[ 10:54 Nov 14, 2008    More humor | permalink to this entry ]

College Pays

One of the local community colleges sent out glossy flyers advertising their program, with the tag line "College pays for itself; don't put it off!"

To prove how valuable college can be, they include a helpful table showing the "Mediun earnings" for people with various education levels.

West Valley actually has a decent sciences program, and some other interesting programs like Park Management (ranger training). But I suspect I should stay away from their English and Statistics classes.

Tags: humor, education
[ 15:47 Aug 22, 2008    More humor | permalink to this entry ]

Paving notice

They're repaving the streets where I live.

They left this flyer on our door to alert us. It's good of them to keep us informed.

I guess they don't want us to ask any questions. It's helpful to know where the cars will be safe.

I wonder when we should start parking somewhere else?

Tags: humor
[ 13:49 Jul 11, 2008    More humor | permalink to this entry ]

Not a combination I'd think of

There's a store down the road from me that offers an unusual combination of items. It always makes me stop and wonder when I pass by.

It must be my naivety and lack of marketing accumen, but it never would have occurred to me that cigarettes and pure water were two products that ought to be sold side by side.

The most amazing part is that another store just a few blocks away has started offering the same combination! (Though their sign is much less striking.)

Tags: humor, marketing
[ 22:56 Jul 02, 2008    More humor | permalink to this entry ]